Why Relationship-Based Approaches Work (And Why Skills-Only Models Fall Short)

For years, parents have been told that the best way to help a child on the autism spectrum is to “fix behaviors,” teach skills, and reinforce compliance. Many families start their journey with methods like ABA because it’s what is most commonly offered.

But over the last twelve years — with my own daughter, with the children in my clinic, and with hundreds of families — I’ve seen something profoundly important:

Children don’t blossom from instructions.

They blossom from connection.

And this is where approaches like Floortime, RDI, and The Son-Rise Program® brought me some of the most meaningful insights of my entire career.

1. Why Connection-Based Approaches Create Real Change

These programs all have one thing in common:

They meet the child where they are.

Instead of correcting behaviors, they focus on:

• getting on the floor with the child

• entering their world

• following their lead

• building emotional safety

• fostering engagement

• reconnecting the relational pathways between parent and child

This is not just “play.”

This is neurodevelopment through relationship.

When a parent sees even a small moment —

a smile, a glance, a shared game, a moment of joy —

something shifts in the parent’s heart:

Hope returns.

Connection deepens.

Fear softens.

And with that, the entire field between parent and child changes.

I saw this over and over again:

When parents feel hope, children feel it.

When parents relax, children open.

When parents connect, children respond.

This is the beginning of healing.

2. Why Skills-Only, Reward-Based Models Often Miss the Mark

Programs that are centered around:

• instructions

• tasks

• compliance

• rewards for “correct responses”

…may teach skills, but they often miss the human part of development.

The parent is usually outside the process.

The child is performing for the therapist.

The focus becomes behavior — not understanding, not connection, not sensory regulation.

And when the sensory system, emotional safety, and relational field are not addressed…

the root remains untouched.

Behavior becomes bigger.

Frustration becomes deeper.

The child may learn tasks but struggles with self-regulation, emotional flexibility, and identity.

I saw this with my own daughter.

After three months of a skills-based program, she cried, she shut down, she disconnected — and I knew instantly:

This is not the path for her.

I wanted a relationship with her — not compliance.

I wanted connection — not performance.

And that’s when everything changed.

3. The Missing Piece: Sensory & Neurodevelopment

Floortime, RDI, and Son-Rise gave me what ABA could not:

compassion + attunement + engagement.

But even they missed one foundational layer:

the sensory system.

The reflexes.

The neurological pathways.

The tactile and vestibular foundations.

These programs helped emotionally,

but they didn’t address the sensory overwhelm, the motor patterns, the imbalances, or the primitive reflexes that were shaping my daughter’s ability to connect in the first place.

That’s when my journey moved deeper —

into neurodevelopment, reflex integration, and sensory reorganization.

And that’s when everything truly shifted for her and for all the children I began to work with.

4. Why This Matters Today

Every parent deserves hope.

Every child deserves connection.

Every nervous system deserves to feel safe enough to grow.

And that only happens when we approach the child:

• with compassion

• with attunement

• with understanding

• with sensory insight

• with nervous system awareness

• with LOVE

Skills matter — but they cannot replace connection.

Behavior changes — but not without emotional safety.

Progress happens — but only when the nervous system feels understood.

This is the heart of the HELA philosophy,

and the foundation of everything I am building moving forward

and the beginning of a global healing movement.